This is very well written. Sci Fi isn't my genre, but I've done a lot of fiction reading and I'll give you my feedback for what it's worth. The flow of the story was excellent. I can only think of one part (it was maybe a 2-3 sentence paragraph) where I had to stop and do a double take to figure out what was happening. I think the length was great. It's nice to read stories from beginning to end in one sitting, but I rarely get to read for more than 15 minutes without having to stop and do something else. I think you nailed the descriptive part of writing. There were enough details to paint a picture of the environment/people/mood, but not so much that I wanted to skip over the description to get to the action. The only constructive criticism I could offer would be in developing the plot of the story. In my view, a good writer doesn't tell a new story, he finds a new way to tell an old one. If a story hasn't been told in 10,000 years (or however long we've been telling them) then it probably doesn't need to be told at all. So regarding your story, the plot is one we all recognize, and all of us can relate to it. It's compelling to read about a character who is facing the same obstacles that all of us have (or will). I'd just like to see it presented in a way that sort of fakes me out at first, so that maybe I think the story is about one thing when it's actually about another. Shawshank Redemption is a good example. It's not until the end of the movie that you realize you're watching a movie about a prison break. It's not clear until the end that the central theme of the movie is hope. Somehow King managed to entertain you and keep you in the story, but you had to make it 90% of the way through to find out what kind of story you were watching. Anyway, that's my 2 cents.
Thanks for the feedback. Incredibly, I've not watched the Shawshank Redemption, but I'll be sure to add it to my list. That said, I think your criticisms are 100% warranted. I played it rather safe opening up with this first story. I look forward to be more adventurous in future outings.
If I get to circle back around to this story to do a rewrite for an anthology or something, I think it might be fun to tweak it more in line with what you've suggested.
Thanks again for reading, and feel free to keep the criticism or comments or musings coming.
This is very well written. Sci Fi isn't my genre, but I've done a lot of fiction reading and I'll give you my feedback for what it's worth. The flow of the story was excellent. I can only think of one part (it was maybe a 2-3 sentence paragraph) where I had to stop and do a double take to figure out what was happening. I think the length was great. It's nice to read stories from beginning to end in one sitting, but I rarely get to read for more than 15 minutes without having to stop and do something else. I think you nailed the descriptive part of writing. There were enough details to paint a picture of the environment/people/mood, but not so much that I wanted to skip over the description to get to the action. The only constructive criticism I could offer would be in developing the plot of the story. In my view, a good writer doesn't tell a new story, he finds a new way to tell an old one. If a story hasn't been told in 10,000 years (or however long we've been telling them) then it probably doesn't need to be told at all. So regarding your story, the plot is one we all recognize, and all of us can relate to it. It's compelling to read about a character who is facing the same obstacles that all of us have (or will). I'd just like to see it presented in a way that sort of fakes me out at first, so that maybe I think the story is about one thing when it's actually about another. Shawshank Redemption is a good example. It's not until the end of the movie that you realize you're watching a movie about a prison break. It's not clear until the end that the central theme of the movie is hope. Somehow King managed to entertain you and keep you in the story, but you had to make it 90% of the way through to find out what kind of story you were watching. Anyway, that's my 2 cents.
Thanks for the feedback. Incredibly, I've not watched the Shawshank Redemption, but I'll be sure to add it to my list. That said, I think your criticisms are 100% warranted. I played it rather safe opening up with this first story. I look forward to be more adventurous in future outings.
If I get to circle back around to this story to do a rewrite for an anthology or something, I think it might be fun to tweak it more in line with what you've suggested.
Thanks again for reading, and feel free to keep the criticism or comments or musings coming.